Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
