I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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