i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you still have your period?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
