So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
