I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
