i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
