before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
