phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
