What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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