My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
