Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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