Apparently you make a good broom.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
