Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
