I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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