I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
