Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
