I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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