Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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