his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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