New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
