I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize