She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
