I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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