i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
