i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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