i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
