Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
