Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
