Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
