last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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