my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
