My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
