I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
