you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
