Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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