he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
