something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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