what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
