I'm drive I can fine osifer
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
