I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
