I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
