Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
