How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
