I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
