Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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