i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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