I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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