Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
