My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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