As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
