the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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