I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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