You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
