I wish I could teleport
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
