She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
