Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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