My balls are so social today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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