hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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