dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
