fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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