I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude. I can hear the air.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
