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You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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