before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
