I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize