shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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