You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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