You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize