just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize