I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
