I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
