it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
