I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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