Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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