ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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