jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
