God, you're like boner-b-gone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
