I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
