You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
