Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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