So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I supernannyed him into submission
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
