My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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