hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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