On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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