And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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